Single and Sharing

This could simply be a me thing but I find when I’m single and by single I mean not claiming anyone as my man, the left side of my bed tends to be occupied by books, devices, confectionery, anything other than a man. I read somewhere once, that you should prepare for what you want; set an extra plate at the table; leave a space in the closet etc and for a little while I actually did this madness. It’s no wonder my favourite ex used to tell me I was book smart but not street smart. In fact he would go as far as to say, “You have no sense of the common kind.” God rest his soul.

There is always so much pressure on a woman to fill that side of her bed. Either to have children, help raise existing children or generally just have a help mate. I get it, all of those things are important, if, you want them. What they do though, is impose a false narrative that without them you can’t be fulfilled. They make men feel empowered because they are needed, yet make some women feel a sense of desperation causing them to settle for way less than they deserve.

In 2019, I was in a long distance relationship with a guy I had met on holiday. I had insisted on the no sex before marriage rule so he was putting on the pressure to come and stay with me in the UK. When I told him he’d have to get a hotel or stay with friends he got very upset.

The offers of marriage had been flooding in from him and had I been back in my 20s, I probably would have agreed. He started getting possessive and wanting to know where I was and who I was with every minute of the day. I get that long distance it can be difficult but I didn’t share the desire to know his every move and at this point, I decided to call it off. His response, “You’re never going to find anyone like me who’s willing to marry you.” Strong words, which after hearing my response he soon retracted, but the fact he had the nerve to even think it, was everything that is wrong with the way society empowers men to think they are better than women.

Beyoncé put it best when she said, “I can have another you in a minute…”

What men fail to understand is that we don’t have difficulty getting a man, men are always ‘available’. Most of us could have been married 3 times over if we chose to settle. What we do have trouble with is finding a man who is committed and doesn’t view monogamy as a straight jacket made to stop them ‘living their best life.’

I refuse to idolise anyone’s relationships because we all know that behind closed doors anything could happen but I do love some of the wisdom that comes from the mouths of men like Steve Harvey, he recognised his woman as an asset, his best one. He teaches woman that as misogynistic as it may seem, a man should profess you are his, provide for you and protect you. There is a lot to be said for this.

So whilst my bed might be taken up by chocolate wrappers and the latest self help guide to a better life, I’m going to enjoy my freedom and fill my time with friendship and laughter and maybe the next guy that comes along will be at a stage where their community cat days are over and they recognise the value that a good woman has to bring, perhaps they’ll even buy me another bedside table for the left hand side of my bed.

How To Show Up For New York Fashion Week

Fashion season is about to be lit! With all of us biting at the bit to get out of our homes and on holiday, we’ll be watching the fashion world for the next new thing to jump off the runway and straight into our holiday suitcases.

I know what you’re thinking, did I watch the latest broadcast from our very own poor excuse for a prime minister? The one who effed up by not listening to any of the early lockdown advice and landed us up shit creek without a paddle? Well yes, I listened to him attempt to make us lose all hope in a summer back on the beaches, enjoying a swim with our loved ones. As I listened, I thought, and this may be very selfish of me, I’m a Barbadian national, so I’m going home!

With that said, how are we going to see all the latest on the runway for Fall? Don’t panic E! has you covered. There will be live broadcasts of all the wonderful new trends beginning on Valentines day, so if you’re stuck for a date, it’s ok I’ll be virtually sat next to you taking front row to watch Jason Wu’s collection at 10pm UK time.

How I’m Showing up fir NY Fashion Week

Being that February is also Black History Month in the US, they will have special offerings during the month to showcase the black fashion icons who have been trailblazers and changemakers in the fashion industry. I, for one, am looking forward to finding out all the inside secrets of what goes into styling Beyoncé, being that I consider my alter ego a bit of a Sasha Fierce.

Alter Ego

So here’s to a month filled with a dollop of love, a sprinkling of fashion and a whole lot of fierce.

Almost

I almost didn’t write this post today,  stuffing my face with Christmas food, I was so carried away with writing poetry and the children’s story I’ve been working on, that my weekly post was temporarily forgotten.

I didn’t really shop the sales this year and have no intention of doing so unless a lottery win comes my way, which is near impossible as I’ve opted to stop playing, at least until I’ve met my savings goals.  It’s scary to think that I have to force myself not to shop, that indicates a bit of an issue.  I’m not quiet ready to admit to a full on addiction but we’ll see how the rest of the year goes.

The temptation from Instagram almost had me pressing uninstall on the app and hiding under my covers in a cold sweat.  My only saving grace was the M&S vouchers my pupils had given me.  A new pair of school shoes and a couple of good bras later and my gift was well and truly spent and my spending craving partially satisfied.

How was Christmas for you?

I did my annual thing of dressing up for my living room. I’m pretty sure the dog appreciated my efforts, the approving wag of her tail was all the confirmation needed, though when I phoned my mother to say Merry Christmas, she thought I’d just gotten out of bed and told me I could have at least put on a Christmas day face so we can’t win them all.

Throw it Back

I’ve been a good girl and against all my travel loving instincts I’ve done as told and stayed put in the UK all through the pandemic. I’m not asking for a pat on the back, I’ve given myself one already. It’s very easy sometimes to ignore all the rules and do what what I feel like doing. I’m one of these people who think yolo and just do it, but being that the elderly were being disproportionately affected, alongside the black and ethnic minority population, I thought it best to stay put and make sure I didn’t contribute to killing off some of the most vulnerable in our society.

Thankfully, I did get a little reprieve when we were able to travel within the UK and took myself off on a jolly jaunt to the picturesque county of Dorset. Staying in an Air BnB gave me the freedom to come and go as I pleased and walk around in the buff, if I felt like it. Imagine the alternative; walking into the hotel lobby nude, not a good look.

Dress Boohoo

Of course when I got there, I had to make known I wasn’t a local by strutting around the countryside in heels and a short dress and taking a million and one photos doing just that (first world priorities and all). So this post includes a little recap of the best bits, just for you 😉

Dress Boohoo

Boss Moves

You lucky lot are so spoilt, 3 blog posts on launch day. Thought I’d go right on in there and be the cherry to top off your working week, cliché I know. I blame the children I teach, it’s them that come up with these quirky sayings and don’t I just love them for it.

Anyway, back to business. Whilst some folk were out there complaining about having to stay in for a few days (or a few months who’s counting?) I was securing the bag and tucking a promotion in my back pocket. That’s not to say I don’t empathise, it’s hard out there and not enough is being done to support those who are in the lowest earning brackets, I know what it’s like, I’ve been there. So hell yes when I take a step up, I’m going to have a little moment of bragging. I’m proud of me.

To go with my new job role, I felt it important to step into it with the right shoes and no that’s not a metaphor, I’ve literally brought a few pairs of new shoes and up-levelled my workwear. Which was really just a case of wearing my going out clothes to work, as much like the rest of the nation, I have nowhere else to go.

Dress Boohoo Boots Ego

My primary love language is words of affirmation and my work colleagues have been filling my bucket with complements over my outfit choices this academic year so why not come on here and share a couple of them with you guys, I’ve gone for monochrome looks as they seem to be my go to.

Go on, fill my bucket. You know you want to 😉

Exchanged the socks for tights when I wore it to school. Dress from boohoo