It’s been a while, I’ve been busy making work and life balance exactly how I want it too and so far there is some success. I’m enjoying my role in school (I’m currently leading writing and have been given the additional responsibility of Keystage lead starting in September), I’m spending time with my family and friends and I’ve even done a cheeky bit of shopping. The only thing not currently happening for me is travel; I’m itching to jump on a plane again.
I’ve tried to write a couple of times but each time what I want to say either doesn’t quite come out or has made me feel overly exposed. Funny that, I write this blog with the aim of being 100% authentically me but when things get too personal I pull back and give 0%. If I was like that in my every day life I’d never get anywhere. So this post is just a catch up to say hello and perhaps make myself a little vulnerable in the process.
During the height of the pandemic, when gatherings were locked down, restaurants weren’t available and church was an online only event, I spent a lot of time doing not much at all except work, in some ways this was a good thing, it gave me time to do things around the house and make some financial investments however it also left me secluded, I forgot how much fun it was to go out with friends and family and instead got very comfortable with being in my home. As things have gradually started to normalise my feelings about getting out and about haven’t. I’ve converted to forcing myself to attend social events because I know once I’m there I’ll have an amazing time. I’ve even told my friends and family that with my 40th birthday coming up, barring catching a flight, there is nothing I would rather do than stay at home and cuddle up with a hot drink and a book. This of course has been met with hard resistance and family telling me I have no choice but to celebrate with them. In my heart of hearts I know I’d probably regret it if I didn’t celebrate but currently my mind is screaming a big fat NO.
I’ve joked at the presence of a mid life crisis but in reality I’m probably just about to step into the best days of my life. Yes, I’m still single and longing for my Boaz to take me out of the barley fields but I’m also glad I didn’t choose to settle out of desperation. It’s easy to look back and think perhaps I missed out on the person that was for me because I wanted the complete package, even though I wasn’t the complete package but in reality they were never for me because I wasn’t ready.
Now I’m ready.
I have an adult daughter and a son who is in his last year of primary school. I have a good job and a decent side hustle. I have investments and savings for the first time in my life and a handful of solid friends who I wouldn’t change for the world. That’s not to say I don’t miss some of the friends that drifted. I’m a very sentimental person and there are people who for whatever reason left my life that I am not afraid to admit I miss. I’ve always said that love is something you can’t just erase, once someone had my love, they will always have it, perhaps not in the same way but love doesn’t just vanish.
So what’s next? God knows. I have plans and dreams to accomplish so I’m going to stay focused and continue to work towards the life I desire.
Is it ok to be vulnerable? Yes!! We have all been there and in those moments you have the opportunity to grow the most.
What’s next for you?
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