There are no how to guides to parenting.

Top: Urban Outfitters, Jeans: Boohoo, leather shirt: Bershka

21.  I can just about believe it myself.  The little princess who used to hang on my every word and cry at the mere thought of leaving me, is now officially an adult by the world’s standards.  How on Earth will I console myself?

Her lockdown birthday celebration on Monday was absolutely lovely, being the daughter that she is, I had no doubts that whatever I did for her she would accept with love and gratitude and in all likehood an anxious smile.  I was right.  All except for the anxious smile. 

My baby girl, in true Tianna fashion, showed up as the authentic beautiful soul I know her to be, she laughed, joked and didn’t let a single thing bother her, at least thats what she showed on the outside.

For all I know, that beautiful smile could have been masking a multitude of emotions.  In that respect, she really is the child of her parents.  In many ways we raised her right; taught her to be conscientious and caring; to respect other’s rights to their own opinions and make choices that created beauty in this world for herself and others.  However, in other respects we taught her how to mask pain and push through every situation.  Despite it being ok to cry, it was not ok to stay in a state of unhappiness and allow others to see it.  We put on a brave face and shone, no matter what.

There are no perfect parents but part of being a good parent is learning from your mistakes and making adjustments to make sure your children have the best possible life chances.  These realisation don’t always come immediately, infact they hardly ever do but when they do, that’s the check in point.  Check in with experts, check in with other parents, check in with your children.  All of these people have an insight into how you can do better and be better.

I suppose the case of Aisha Kudi had me reflecting on how we parent and how we can put ourselves in a position to assist others to do so. Is it possible to avoid these tragedies by being a community accountable for our young people? I won’t delve too much into that story as I’m sure there is much yet to be revealed but what I will say is we as a society need to be better at looking out for vulnerable people, be that the parent, or the child.

I just pray that changes will be made at a systemic level to avoid something like this occurring again. After Victoria Climbie, we would have hoped never again to see cases like this. Unfortunately, here we are.