I. Love. Love

Pinch, Punch, first of the month and no returns!

Working in a school I’ve heard that popular little rhyme more than a few times today and it was a reminder to me that I promised to write something on my blog today, even if I wasn’t feeling like it. Thankfully, despite being awfully tired, I’m not in a terrible mood which means I have just enough joy to muster up a few quick words for your reading pleasure.

I would have liked to come online and tell you that the month of January has brought me nothing but satisfaction and that I am thriving in this new year however, if I were to tell you that, I’d be doing one of the things I despise the most – lying. I have not had the most amazing January but it hasn’t been all bad. I’ve had a lot to be thankful for and I’ve made it a habit to document at least 3 things each day that have made me feel grateful. Sometimes those things were as simple as waking up that morning, yet some days were as elaborate as my daughter being cast in a TV show (cool I know).

Tianna Haffenden – Actor and daughter of Mumma G 😉

I’ve also started kickboxing this month in the absence of my gym membership, which frankly needs to make a return ASAP. I contribute some of my moodiness to lack of exercise, the rest I’ll have to mark down to being my general disposition as not much seems to alter it at the moment. Even the prospect of pandemic measures easing hasn’t done much to put me in a bright and cheerful mood.

One of the things that did cheer me up this month though was a meal out with one of my friends and her sister. I discovered many years ago now that quality time is my favoured love language, so going out with people I love, chatting and laughing together definitely helps to fill my love cup.

Speaking of love, it’s the month where countless members of society will spend their hard earned cash on cards, jewellery, chocolates and flowers. Now I can’t tell you that I don’t buy into the consumerism that is Valentine’s Day because if a bouquet of flowers arrived at my door with a singing telegram, I’d be equally as mortified as I would be ecstatic. I’m what many would refer to as a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I’m guilty of creating cheesy cards and buying gifts that at any other time of the year would make me cringe. I once brought an ex a container filled with date night Ideas and encouraged (forced him) to choose 3 of them that he’d like for us to do. The thought of that now makes me sick to the stomach, but that’s what love can do sometimes. That sickly sweet kind of love that clouds your judgement and shows your loved one through rose tinted glasses. I question that kind of love.

Love to me these days is something completely different. It’s working through problems, it’s sharing in pain, it’s making time to understand each other and it’s choosing. Choosing to chose that person over and over again. Love isn’t always fluffy clouds and rainbows, it’s building the ark in preparation for the flood because nothing is ever perfect and if it is in your world, you’ve won the lottery in life and should teach me your magic.

What are you plans for Valentine’s Day this year? Are you a romantic or do you wish people would just shut up about the crazy little thing called love?

40, Flirty, Fabulous… or not?

There are conflicting views as to what happens when one turns 40 as though entering your 40s has some magical secret that you only become aware of as the clock strikes midnight. I’ve heard it said that this is when life begins, that this is the time that you really come into yourself, all your life’s experiences so far have been preparing you for this moment when you are the best version of yourself; the most free; most passionate; most fulfilled that you will ever be. On the opposite side of the spectrum I’ve also heard whispers of everything going downhill from here on out. You get more chin hairs, your fat gathers at your waist without your permission and if you’re not married yet be prepared to sit on the subs bench until some poor widower comes along and takes you in to ease his broken heart. Of course neither of these perspectives is accurate. I mean yes, your hormones are changing so you might find a hair or two and if you’re not an active member of the gym beware but these years are neither chalked out to be the best nor the worst of your life. They are merely just more years where the pen is placed in your hand and you need to choose your journey.

I’ve recently been fighting with the stresses of life, so much so that I’ve developed eczema on my hands and feet, trying to decide what the next best step is. If I decide to leave the area, am I running away from my problems or am I seeking to find the life I desire? I’m currently the epitome of what it means to work yourself silly. I’m often working in one or the other of my roles from 6am until 1am the earliest which means sleep evades me. I’m tired, grouchy and feel highly undervalued. The thing is though, even with this list of cons I often find that the pros outweigh the feelings of negativity. In my day job for example, I love being with my ‘school babies’ as I lovingly refer to them and I get a great sense of pride and accomplishment when they manage to learn something new or feel good about themselves because of something I’ve said or done. I really don’t know if I could find another career that would match that feeling and being practical, match my pay scale. The other job on the other hand is more a labour of love. I saw the perfect image on the internet which depicts exactly how that makes me feel at times.

I happen to think that love is not something you only come by once in a lifetime. What I honestly believe is that love is something you have to choose and you have to work on, it’s not a one way road but more a merging of two roads, separate journeys combining to become one. It’s not only romantic love that I see this way, even loving your children is a journey, when they are born they physically separate from you and you begin to learn each other. You choose to get up out of bed at their first whimper or wait until they are in full fledged tears. As they get older you learn to work through their tantrums as they grin and bare your rule over them, until one day, you’ve learnt to value each other so much that you do what it takes to see them smile. I totally get why the brain functions differently when love is involved, it’s difficult to see anything better than love behind the door of decision because the truth is you will never see it until you choose to open the door.

When I blog, I usually just have a sentence or a simple thought in my head and I just start writing, this post should have been about what a fantastic birthday I had so I’m reverting back to course. With all that was trying to bring me down, on my birthday weekend my daughter brought me right back up. I told her that if she keeps spoiling me like this I might hold off on getting a significant other and just let her spoil me for the foreseeable future.

P.S. I don’t have favourites!

This is the year where I can chose to be flirty and fabulous. 40 is just another number, another year to tick off the calendar of life and if you want to mark it as a milestone, choose to make it the year you want it to be; set your goals in motion; find opportunities to laugh and dance and continue to send out positive vibrations – the universe is listening.

Dress? House of CB

Is it ok to be Vulnerable?

It’s been a while, I’ve been busy making work and life balance exactly how I want it too and so far there is some success.  I’m enjoying my role in school. I’m spending time with my family and friends and I’ve even done a cheeky bit of shopping.  The only thing not currently happening for me is travel; I’m itching to jump on a plane again.

I’ve tried to write a couple of times but each time what I want to say either doesn’t quite come out or has made me feel overly exposed.  Funny that, I write this blog with the aim of being 100% authentically me but when things get too personal I pull back and give 0%.  If I was like that in my every day life I’d never get anywhere.  So this post is just a catch up to say hello and perhaps make myself a little vulnerable in the process.

During the height of the pandemic, when gatherings were locked down, restaurants weren’t available and church was an online only event, I spent a lot of time doing not much at all except work, in some ways this was a good thing, it gave me time to do things around the house and make some financial investments however it also left me secluded, I forgot how much fun it was to go out with friends and family and instead got very comfortable with being in my home.  As things have gradually started to normalise my feelings about getting out and about haven’t.  I’ve converted to forcing myself to attend social events because I know once I’m there I’ll have an amazing time.  I’ve even told my friends and family that with my 40th birthday coming up, barring catching a flight, there is nothing I would rather do than stay at home and cuddle up with a hot drink and a book.  This of course has been met with hard resistance and family telling me I have no choice but to celebrate with them.  In my heart of hearts I know I’d probably regret it if I didn’t celebrate but currently my mind is screaming a big fat NO.

I’ve joked at the presence of a mid life crisis but in reality I’m probably just about to step into the best days of my life. Yes, I’m still single and longing for my Boaz to take me out of the barley fields but I’m also glad I didn’t choose to settle out of desperation. It’s easy to look back and think perhaps I missed out on the person that was for me because I wanted the complete package, even though I wasn’t the complete package but in reality they were never for me because I wasn’t ready.

Now I’m ready.

I have an adult daughter and a son who is in his last year of primary school. I have a good job and a decent side hustle. I have investments and savings for the first time in my life and a handful of solid friends who I wouldn’t change for the world. That’s not to say I don’t miss some of the friends that drifted. I’m a very sentimental person and there are people who for whatever reason left my life that I am not afraid to admit I miss. I’ve always said that love is something you can’t just erase, once someone had my love, they will always have it, perhaps not in the same way but love doesn’t just vanish.

So what’s next? God knows. I have plans and dreams to accomplish so I’m going to stay focused and continue to work towards the life I desire.

Is it ok to be vulnerable? Yes!! We have all been there and in those moments you have the opportunity to grow the most.

What’s next for you?

Mother’s Day 2021

Mothering Sunday has arrived.

There is always so much to be thankful for when it comes to mother’s, whatever your story, there is at least a little gratitude for the woman who brought you into this world. Today, and every day, my cup overflows with it.

Although Barbados has a different Mother’s Day to the UK, I still take this day to salute the matriarchal figures of my family. I am blessed to still have my grandmother and mother available for chats and laughter at the end of a phone line, when many of my friends have lost theirs. The wealth of advice they have to offer, wanted or not, is something that I will always cherish.

I’m also very blessed to have my daughter’s other Grandma, who blesses me with hugs, laughter and prayer in the absence of my mum. When you lose your only child, as she has, mother’s day can be heart wrenching. We are so grateful to be able to love on her like she loves on us.

My own journey into motherhood was not an easy one so I don’t take for granted what a blessing it is to have someone call you mum and despite this being “my day”, I am so thankful that I have my babies to love on.

So I end this post by saying to all the mothers out there, enjoy your day. Find gratitude for your blessings and hug a mother tightly, be that your own mother or someone else’s, acknowledge that most of us are out here trying to be the best we can. Have a blessed day.

Are computers taking over our lives?

What a week. 

For the most part I spent it in PJs with cups of coffee and lots of junk food, staring at a laptop for what seemed like an eternity.

Normally, my laptop and I are great friends.  We watch movies, write bog posts and stories and generally have a whale of a time but there is something about being forced to stare at her glossy screen and do my actual day job that has made my fingers tingle with thoughts of her untimely death as she plummets to the ground from my bedroom window.  I know none of us signed up for this but I REALLY didn’t sign up for this, in fact I ran away from every job that smelled like there was the prospect of being on a computer all day. 

Jumpsuit: boohoo

I like interacting with my school babies, where I can see their expressions, make jokes and get an actual reaction from them.  You can tell I’m a teacher as most of my jokes are aimed at those under 11 so when I test them out on adults I’m met with raised eyebrows and concerned side glances.  Oh how I miss laughter!

This week, after the 9 to eternity job, I’ve spend some time writing on paper.  Call me a weirdo but there’s something quite erotic about holding a pen and watching it slide across the page caressing it with poetry and art.  As well as keeping an eye on my books, I’ve been working on a lot of poetry, mostly focusing on the complexities of love. 

Bodysuit: Primark

A funny old thing is love.  Apparently we learn it from our parents, therefore, I’m doomed (I joke) but that’s a story for another day.  I did manage to get up and put on an outfit or two, so you lucky lot don’t have to be forced to see me slob out and instead get to look at me acting as though I actually have somewhere to go.

Jumper dress: boohoo

With valentine’s day coming, I’m definitely considering dressing up for the occasion, celebrating the fact that I love myself enough that valentine or not I’m going to celebrate me.  I know it can be a time where some single people feel lonely and unloved, I’ve been in that position myself at times but trust me, doing something special for yourself or even for a friend, will help you feel so much better.  Besides it’s one day out of the whole year and I can almost guarantee you will have many other times when people will show you how much they love you.  Just in case you don’t, know that I have love for you just because you stopped by and took the time to read my post to the end.

Leave me a comment and visit my Instagram (mummagz), I love to connect. Have a great week.

Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

It’s now that time of year where the shops have swept out the last of their Christmas goods with January sales and are stocking their shelves (all be it virtual at this point) with chocolate roses, stuffed teddies, drinking mugs with affirmations of love plastered all over them and fluffy socks, just in case your partner has cold feet.

Now, I’m going to start off here being very cliché and letting you know that the best gift you can give is the gift of love. I can almost hear you cringing but hear me out…

We are in the middle of a pandemic and Covid is killing off loved ones and ripping away the finances of many. It has been attributed to the rise in domestic violence and some studies suggest a rise in suicide rates. Now, I’m no expert in those areas but what I do know is that the mental health of our nation has been hampered by the lack of available services.

Reaching out to people, especially those who you know live alone, is even more so important in times like this when popping to the local community centre and having a chat with those around, is no longer an option.

It’s evident, even when I take the dog out for a stroll, that people are hankering for human connection. The amount of people who have stood at a distance and attempted to strike up conversation is above and beyond what I’m used to. It’s no longer just a smile for the dog and a nod in my direction, it’s people telling me where they’ve walked from that day, how many days a week they work from home, what they do for a living and whether or not they’re bothering to cook their solitary Sunday roast.

I must say, having my 2 children at home with me is an absolute God send. My 20 year old, the socially conscientious child of my two, struck up conversation about the number of cancer patients that have died, likely due to the cancelling of their treatments because of the pandemic. Not only does this sadden me but it makes me feel truly grateful for the current state of my health. So the next gift I would put on my list is gratitude. Let someone know that you are grateful they exist, let them know you are thankful you can call and hear their voice. We aren’t going to be here forever so let’s make our moments really count.

You get the gist here, the gifts I’m suggesting are more acts of service over physical items however that’s not to say physical items can’t play their role in our humanitarian efforts. I was gifted this great little bracelet from Refocus Bands.

At first glance it’s just like any other wrist band but when you flip it over, there is a reminder on the other side.

They come with many options of messages and there is even the option to create your own message. It’s an affirmation on your wrist and a cute, meaningful alternative to the generic box of chocolates and single stemmed roses (though if you buy me a rose I’ll be beaming).

Now to the more traditional gifts, this one is traditional with a twist. Me, just like a lot of people, love a sweet treat and my girl Nikita over at Kitaskakes has so many offerings for the valentines season. For example this beauty of a cookie, the promo version features my ugly mug but don’t worry, you don’t have to scare your loved ones off with my face, if you get your orders in on time the choice of face they eat is entirely yours.

If all else fails, order in a takeaway, grab a bottle of wine from the supermarket and Netflix and chill the night away.

If you have a product or service you’d like me to share, ask away, I don’t bite but I usually charge a fee, after all, how am I going to pay for the takeaway?